It is Monday, June 28, at about 8:15 pm. I washed the dishes after having dinner and was about to sit down and start watching TV. I have been watching the Wynonna Earp series on Netflix, it is not bad, not the best, but it is ok. Anyhow, I was about to sit down, when I heard my significant other, start to talk to her Guildmates online. She has been playing Elders Scrolls for some time now and I come to realize today that I don’t watch TV on Monday, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays, at least not in the evening. I am actually laughing right now because I am dumbfounded by what I just realized. I usually go to the office and do some reading or, I do try and write, but somehow the night gets away from me and I end up, man, I don’t know what I end up doing for the most part – so weird. Anyhow, I was about to start the TV show, when I heard her talking to her guildmates. The conversation started about some dungeon or quest, but then it led to talk about everyday things, like what is the weather like where you are, she mentioned to the person that she just finished having dinner, and had pulled barbeque pork. The conversation led to how was there day, her day turns out was not that good and that this happen and that happen. As I sat there, I thought to myself, this person on the other side of the microphone talks a lot more to her than she does with me.
After 24 years of marriage, our relationship is questionable, and sometimes I am not even sure where we are. There are days we say good morning, exchange a pleasantry, and then there are days we don’t talk unless it has to do with money, kids, or money. I am not sure how it got to this point, but now that I am writing it, it has been going on for quite a long time, and each day we both get up and move on with our day. I think we act more like roommates, you know they are there, you might say high, they each pay their part of the bills and that is pretty much it. So weird at all levels, and don’t get me wrong, I have tried to see what is wrong, but like I said our conversations usually end up with neither one of us talking to the other. So, I am sitting at my desk right now and almost 20 minutes have passed. It is funny because I was trying to figure out what to write about when it just sort of flowed. Yeah, she is a gamer, has been for quite a long time now that I think about it. It started back in 2006 with Everquest II, we played a few years, then she left and started to play LOR (Lord of The Rings) on her own, she moved to some other games and played them for some time, until of course now she is playing Elder Scrolls.
This whole time, now that I look back, our relationship went down the toilet, little by little until this point, which honestly I am not sure what point this is. I am an organizer, and try to lay out my days productively – yah I am weird, but you know plans don’t always go how we want them to. As I mentioned before, I started this blog to share my life hurdles, bumps in the road, ah – experiences. The thing is I also work a little on keeping track of retirement, making sure there is money for my sons’ college, and of course my daughter in the future, these things do keep me busy. I am also still looking and trying out new ways of making extra money, as I mentioned in one of my last posts. I have looked into running an Amazon or Shopify store, something like that. I do invest in stocks and have a few other things going that generate a little income, nothing to write home about, but they keep me in the game or on track – I guess. I threw this in I guess to let you know the reader how I spend my time. Back to my reflection on this evening, my significant other talks more with strangers than she does with me, flesh, blood, and bones right in front of her. Wait, I am not saying it is her fault, and I am definitely not perfect, but it stinks, it really stinks being in this situation, at my age, with the things I have been through, seen, I never thought my marriage would be where it is now. I know that I am not the only one going through this, and I am not the first and I won’t be the last, but sitting in my office typing away, thinking, “This Sucks!” really doesn’t sit well with me, sort of makes me nauseous. Anyhow, oh my goodness, another negative post, sorry about that, but maybe someone out there is going through this and happens to come across my article – this article might not fix it, but maybe reading it will let them know they are not alone.
Thanks for reading and I leave you with this thought, “relationships are funny, they have their ups and downs – pretty much like life; and I have nothing after this because I am not sure how to move forward from where I am at in my relationship, except (Turn the other cheek) wake up tomorrow, be there for my kids, and wait to see what the day will bring.” – it is 9:28 pm, where does the time go –