First, let me give thanks to those that paid the ultimate price for our freedom – Happy Memorial Day to all veterans – thank you for your service.
Yesterday, I went out for lunch with my partner and son. We went to a fancy restaurant, semi-fancy, to get out of the house and do something. It was a time that I realize something when does talking stop between a couple?
Do you remember meeting your significant other, you guys could talk just about anything, all day and all night long. It seems you can’t take your eyes off of each other. Even after getting married, the first several years are about getting to know each other even more. The conversation, the hugs, the small touches on the arm. So, when does the talking stop?
As I sat there, I looked around I could see different couples at different stages in their relationship. It is funny but you can tell by the way couples sit and the way they talk to each other, at what point in the relationship they are. When couples are newly dating, they tend to sit towards one another or next to each other, you can see the laughter, the subtle touches, and the caresses while they talk. You can see them holding back a little, you know not to let on too much. I saw another couple in the bar, and I could tell they knew each a bit longer. You see, once some time goes by maybe a year, couples still sit facing each other, but the look on their faces seems more in love, their faces during the conversations more serious; maybe it is in the hope to take it to the next level. I ate and kept looking around. I saw an older couple, you can tell they were together for some time. I know it’s weird but you can tell when couple are in different stages of their relationship – I don’t know how to explain it. You can tell by the body expressions, their mannerism as they are next to one another, it seems like they already know everything they need to know about each other and are trying to see what is in store for the future. They sat at the bar, but they did not face each other, instead, they faced the bar. Each one was on their phone, typing away. The food arrived, they each took pictures of their food and then proceeded to eat, not a word was exchanged between them. I kept looking around and found a table with a family with young kids, their I could see the conversation was focused on their kids, they barely said a word to one another. I understand this happens, I am a parent, but the conversation between couples should be a priority.
I ask myself when does the conversation stop and why? I have been with my partner for nearly 24 years and these last several years, maybe more, we barely say a word to one another when we go out and pretty much do not talk at home unless it is about dinner, bills, chores, or our daughter. The few date nights we went on which has ben more than a year ago, were mostly arguing about one of our kids. The thing I noticed yesterday, was she looking out the window as she ate. I asked her how her food was and she said, “ok”. She did not even ask how my food was and just looked out the window. My son did try to start a conversation, I jumped in, exchanged words with my son, but we both looked at his mom and she looked like she did not want to interrupt me and my son instead of jumping in – it was weird, but now that I think about it, it wasn’t the first time.
As I was paying for lunch, I saw an elderly married couple come in – late 60’s. They sat at the bar next to each other right next to me, not facing one another, but when they sat, they leaned towards one another gave a smile to each other – that smile that says “I love you”. They ordered wine and an appetizer. When the appetizer arrived, you can see their eyes, they smiled, they looked at one another and I could hear them say, “Wow, look how beautiful this looks”. During the bit of time I was there waiting for the server to return with my card, I could see them chatting, looking at one another, smiling, and talking.
As I got up, something came over me, it was a weird feeling. Not sure if maybe it was one of those times that people get – ‘Aha moment’, but I told myself, “Never Again!.” It sounds mean, and I know that in a relationship it takes two to make it work. I know I am not the only one that has gone through this or is going through this, but that is not the reason I am writing this. I am writing this because I wonder when does, maybe not all relationships, the conversation stop between two people. At what point could I have stopped this from happening, if I could have. All I know is that to me communication has always been important in whatever I do. I believe that communication is important for everyone. We might be able to guess what our partner will do or say next after knowing them for such a long time, but we can’t read minds.
I appreciate you taking the time to read my post and I leave you with this thought, “Communication is important, please do not stop talking to your partner, wife, husband, son, daughter, friend, mom, dad, aunt, or those that are close to you – keep the conversation going”. Have a wonderful Memorial weekend.