This might be a depressing article, and I do not mean for it to bring anyone down, I am just simply writing it because I believe I am not the only father out there that sometimes feels like their invisible. So, as you read the post don’t think of it depressingly but more of an eye-opener for those sons, daughters, wives, or partners to remember, those men that we call dad or father are real and not invisible – include them. So, bear with me and see what you think.
Let me start with the most recent experience that leads me to think I am invisible. In my culture, which happens to be strongly Mexican there is a tradition where the man of the house gets served a meal first. I am not saying that it is the right thing, but it is what it is and that happens to be the way I grew up, but keep in mind that I never start to eat without the whole family sitting at the table. Just recently, it happened for the first time to me, after 24 years of marriage my wife served the kids and then herself, and simply sat down and began to eat. I was standing right there in plain sight and she ignored me. The kids looked at me and I could see it in their faces, they were surprised as well. I thought maybe she was mad or I did something, but nope that was not the case. Something came over me at that moment, it was weird, but I was angry and I just walked away and into the office and did not eat that night. I was speechless and wasn’t sure what or how to handle it. Now, I know you probably saying that I have two hands and two feet and that I could serve myself, and I understand but what the heck.
Maybe cultures change, times change and it is all a “fend for themselves” society now, but I feel like if we don’t keep our traditions we lose a lot of our heritage, or history – yah this might not be a great tradition but it is. This is one example and it just happened a few days ago so it was fresh on my mind. Another example happened a few months ago, and I did not pay much attention to it, because I thought nothing of it at the time. But my kids and their mom were talking about taking a trip during her time off, and the conversation was about where to go. This is happening at the dinner table, after dinner, and I was sitting on the couch in the next room, I could hear everything. They mentioned Mexico, then Palm Springs, and Yosemite, and all this time they were talking about the different activities at each location. The next day it seems it was decided they were going to Yosemite, and that my son had found a cabin because staying in a tent was a bit much for them, for now. They booked for certain days and then the conversation changed to what the recommendations were to bring to the location. They planned to go shopping to get all the things on the recommendation list such as sleeping bags, mosquito spray, cooler, binoculars, hiking boots, and so on (big list).
Never once was I asked anything about the trip – this was a good 2 weeks ago or so. The trip is next week and guess what, yesterday they asked me if I was coming. I looked at everyone and was shocked, speechless, I did not know what to say. After a long pause, I told them, “I guess I am not going, because I did not ask for the time off from work”. I have to ask a bit in advance not just call in for three days in a row. I was in shock and confused about what just happen and did not know what to do with myself. How else can someone feel, if not invisible, when people are talking about something that more than likely you should be involved with, right in front of your face. I am giggling right now as I write because it is just way too bananas not to laugh about it.
I am going to share another experience, this one is a bit further back, but as I think about it, it just clearly states that I am invisible. I think about it now and there are a lot of times where I was simply left out of things evolving the household. Anyhow, when I found out about my firstborn, I immediately open a college fund and a savings account in my bank, which I was with for nearly 10 years before I got married. When I found out about my daughter, I did the same thing open a college fund and a savings account in the same bank. A few years after my daughter was born, I found out that two saving accounts were opened in the kids’ name in the bank that belongs to my wife. I had no clue this had happened, and I was not asked or told the reason. It felt weird, like I was just slammed down, slapped down, I don’t know but it hurt at the time. I ended up closing the two saving accounts from my bank and transferred the money I had to their college funds. I also found out that she was now putting money into her account, and well unfortunately things happen when marriages start with joint accounts and then personal accounts are opened later – that happened here. When I approached her, she got mad and told me it was her business, I ask her about the kids’ accounts and her answer was she did not like my bank – yes that was the answer on the kids’ accounts. Anyhow, once again little things that happen over the years start to make sense. Have you ever had someone act weird around you and you could not think for the life of you why, until something else happens and then you look back at a certain points in time and say to yourself “A-Ha”. I started to realize that is why this happened and that happen and then the puzzle started to come together on how I got to where I am now in my marriage. I am sure there is a lot more to it. This and so much more that has happened to me has led me to feel like I was, invisible. I am sure there are other fathers, and even mothers out there that feel this way, but I ask myself, “why?” does it happen. I am sure like the many before and the many after me, I will get through this whole thing of being, Invisible.
Oh, wow how to ends this, ok thanks for reading and I leave you with this thought, “Dads are important. Maybe not all dads, but many dads out there are important – don’t leave them out.” To all the hard working fathers, dads, and moms please remember, you are real – have a wonderful Saturday.