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In my previous post, I briefly talked about my issues with sleeping, which is that I have one. I know I am not the only one on this planet with sleeping issues, so I am sure many of you that read this post will relate.
I am not sure when my sleeping issues started, I might be able to point to a moment in my life that I think might be the culprit – let’s see. I do recall as a kid sleeping all night, even as a teenager in high school I recall getting at least 6 hours of sleep. I mean you remember the last night studying or the late-night chats with your girlfriend or boyfriend, right. I remember sleeping throughout the night.
Of course, going to college was different for me. I had to work full time so sleep was a luxury. The thing is I still recall getting some sleep. Let’s see I would go to school in the morning 8 to 2 a usually taking three classes which sometimes was either 9 or 12 units depending on the class. Of course, there were a few days I could do homework before I went to work, so that was good, but it was tough because I had to work full time to support myself completely. Anyhow, then I would work from 3 to 11 give and take, then get home at 11:30ish do some studying or homework and maybe fall asleep at around 3ish. I would then get up by 7 and start my day all over again. That means I would possibly get 4 hours of sleep most days and of course Fridays and the weekend a little more.
Then came marriage. Now, please don’t get me wrong I am not blaming marriage, just saying that I think I can pinpoint the culprit for my sleepless nights in California. Let me explain; I got married late in my life, I was still enjoying my twenties, and was looking to settle once I was a little more financially prepared. I met my significant other at a bar, we had one lunch date and a week later I asked her to marry, we ended up getting married two weeks after we met – so that was a week after I had asked, Right -crazy; that is another story. Anyhow the first year of marriage was horrific, we did not know each other, of course, and living together certain little annoying habits emerge among other things. We wanted kids, of course, she was ready since she was 4 years older than me, and remember I said I got married late. Anyhow, the first five years we attempted to have kids, but no luck. We went through infertility programs and tried so many things, but no luck. It was both mentally exhausting and it placed a strain on our marriage. Around the 5 years, we decided to take a break from the infertility program and took a small vacation – guess what we got pregnant. So, we had our son, and afterward, we did want another child so we continued, but it wasn’t until seven years after my son was born that we got a surprise with our daughter. Now, let me get back to my sleep issue. When you are married or even when you have your girlfriend or boyfriend or significant other comes over to sleep, it is not always a deep sleep we get, but for the most part, we sleep. The first 7 years of marriage sleeping was fine, as far as I can remember. I think that the day came where I started to struggle was when my daughter was born. She is not to blame, but I think a combination of things contributed to the sleeping issues.
The late-night bottle, crying from our daughter, work stress, financial stress, and the disconnection between my wife and me was I think started me on the road to sleepless nights. Now wait I am not saying that was the reason, just saying that is one of the contributors because from that disconnection other things emerge, she would start to complain about my breathing, which later was snoring, then I would complain about her tossing and turning all night long. Of course, the sleepless night caused by waking up to feed the baby, and of course age was not on our side. Trust me, having kids at an older age is not as easy as when you are mid-twenties – just saying. It is possible but harder. So, since 2009 when my daughter was born I started to have sleeping issues, to the point where I started to sleep in another room. Now, the baby and the marriage thingy was only the beginning, because, of course when two people lose the connections other things start to rise, such as money issues, trust issues, and how to raise our kids became a thing. I mean when we first met, I thought we had the same beliefs, but come to think, that wasn’t the case later in the marriage, which was tough to chew on. The money issues started with her opening her own bank account, not that it is a bad thing, but it does cause a rift.
So, as lay in bed, each night and my mind races with thoughts about; my daughter in this pandemic, my son stuck in his dorm, the pandemic locking us up, working from home, not being able to socialize without freaking others out, having to pay my sons college, enough for retirement, the darn washer broke, the refrigerator is on its last legs, I need to lose some weight, all this racing through my head at night, which meant I could not focus on sleep. I lay there never knowing when I would dose off, but I tell you this much it was never more than a few hours a night if that. There are days I lay with my eye closed thinking, thinking, and the next thing you know I look over to my alarm and say to myself, look it is 30 minutes before I must wake up, I might as well get up.
If there is anything I can get out of writing this post, is to try and focus on myself each night, only me, shut everything else off, and try and sleep – sounds easy enough, right. I don’t know, so far, I can function ok up to this point, but I have a feeling that it will catch up to me sometime.
Well, thanks for reading, and please have a wonderful Sunday, make it a relaxed day and enjoy it with your loved ones.