Picture from Fine Art America
Artist Mimi Yoon
Just when I thought my daughter was back on track, low and behold she’s back to getting Fs. I am going crazy and I simply want to run out of the house and scream. Maybe I should not care and have her get Fs for the rest of the year. If she continues to get Fs from this point on she will have F in every class and fail.
Maybe I should be a cool dad, like my brother-in-law. You see he has two daughters, both barely finished high school, one did culinary school and the other did a semester at UCI. But both are now in their mid 20’s each with a kid, and not married – I am not judging. But wait, let me tell you why my brother-in-law is cool. You see when his daughters were let’s say 12 maybe 13, they had large parties that included lots of drinking. That turned into living at home and partying all the time, whether it is in Cancun Mexico, Florida, Greece, San Diego, and lots of other places – they live simply to party and drink. Yeah, it sounds cool doesn’t it – I mean they get to travel all over and just party. Don’t pay bills, each of their kids is taken care of by my brother-in-law. They pay nothing, but they both work – just so that they can party. I think that is the type of dad I need to be, I mean my brother-in-law is going to live forever right, they don’t have to worry about growing up and maybe that is what I need to do. Let’s do this, from this point on I am going to be the cool dad, party, drink – heck, do whatever because you know, you only live once and adult life is crazy EASY!
Come on I am a bad dad because I nudge them, not push them, to be their best, because I want them to be better than me, because I want them to have the things they wish to have, knowing it took work, but they can have them because it is possible. I am a bad dad because I don’t want my kids to ever have to sleep in a car, or out on the cold, because I don’t want them to go a day without eating, feel hunger, or go through a garbage bin to look for something to eat. Yeah – guess I am that bad dad, not the cool one. Yeah, I don’t support them on almost everything they want, if one wants to play Ice Hockey, heck I didn’t cough up nearly 5,000 dollars on his goalie gear, or paid every freaking season 3,500 dollars to play on a travel team – that was twice a year, or pay for piano lessons for both them, of course, they both decided it wasn’t for them; I had no problem with that, I was trying to give them options. I am a bad dad because my daughter loves to draw, and I buy her cheap number 2 pencils – heck no I went out and bought her a few sketch pads, a nice drawing pencils set, special erasers that don’t leave streaks, heck I am a bad dad. Nope, I did not paint my son’s room with a special design, he made, on one wall taking me hours to do – and I am not a painter. Yup, I did not put up lights in my daughter’s room all around the top of the edges, taking caution that it looks good and making sure to hide any wires- heck it had a remote control and she could sync it to her music – yup not a cool dad.
I don’t know, I could stop preaching and see where this goes with my daughter. I just don’t get it, they both saw me working a full-time job, go to school at night, graduate during the pandemic and still try to maintain a family life. I would get up at 5 to go to work, get home help with homework, help with dinner, and then hit the books; sometimes I only got a few hours of sleep. I don’t think they are not appreciative of the things they have, but I don’t know. I think I could blame this freaking pandemic for my daughter’s state of mind. You know what drives me crazy, she has this blank look on her face when I am talking – she tells me it is her resting face – but it is motionless. I can’t tell what is going on, so I try and try to talk to her, ask what is wrong, telling her I would be happy to help her with homework, reminding her that she is NOT alone. I just don’t know. I think I am going about this whole thing wrong and it is driving me crazy.
Yup, it is one of those days where life can really push you down so much that it feels like the weight of the world’s problems are on my shoulders. Wait, and to think that in three months I may be out of a job, I don’t know yet, but it is hanging over my head each and every day. Yet I wake up each day as if there was nothing wrong. I truly wish to just get up, jump in my car, and drive, and keep driving, and maybe life will be more clearer. As it is I am not even hungry and told the family I was not hungry. This was the first dinner my family did not eat together. I am dumbfounded because it is tough and I do not know what to do. I know I am not the only one on this planet going through this with their kids, but it is close to home and it hits me hard because of what I went through as a kid – the horror stories I could tell, but I try my best to not let them drag me down, but sometimes it feels they are catching up.
I am sorry for all the blabbering, but I just ran out of mojo and can’t go on writing. Thank you for reading, have a wonderful day or evening, and may your day or night be a great one.