My son is back from college for the summer, and he tends to sleep all day long and play video games at night. He starts to play at 9:30 pm and plays until 3:00 am or so. The thing is when my son plays, he has a tendency to scream aloud, cusses, and just complains about whatever is happening in the game – extremely loud. My son started college last year and due to the pandemic, he had a dorm all to himself, when normally there are two to a room. The funny thing is that while he was at college, he did complain about the kid next door, saying that the kid was up at the wee hours of the night yelling, and he even went to complain about it, but nothing was done. He even told us that there were quiet hours in the dorm, something like between 10:30 pm – 8:00 am. So I am not sure why when I ask him to keep it down, he doesn’t. Now he did tell us that he plays late at night because he met several people while at college that are living in another country but were attending online college, as he was, this past year due to the pandemic. So, when he plays at 9:30 pm it is daytime for them. I told him, he needs to find local friends, but he only laughed.
I have approached him in many ways, the first time I asked him was a normal parent, requesting him to keep it down because I had to work the next day, and he knows I have sleeping problems, but he kept at it. His mom has heard him from her room which is on the other side of the house, and she doesn’t ask nicely, but he kept at it. My second approach was to explain to him as if I was a roommate, and that people have different personalities and habits. I told him you never know when you go back to college dorm life that you might need to share a room this coming year and you will not be able to play late as you have been. Worse yet I told him, what if the roommate is doing what you are doing, and you are trying to sleep, you are not going to like it, but he kept at it.
I don’t want my son to feel like we are bad parents, that we are nagging all the time, or worst yet, I don’t want him to feel like we don’t want him here. Since he has been back, he has gone out a few times, once to a friend’s house where a bunch of his old high school buddies watched a movie and a bond fire where all his high school buddies met up. We told him he did not have a curfew, but we did ask that he be careful, make smart choices, and when he got home to be quiet – we are trying to give him some independence.
I still work and get up at 5:30 am, so I need to sleep, but I have issues with sleeping. My mind runs a million miles per hour at night, thinking about the day and what I need to do tomorrow, it’s tough and the problem is that I am a light sleeper – if a Nat farts I could hear it, that is how bad it is. So, I asked him nicely, I provided an example and I just cannot get through to him. I know, I could see it in his eyes, his expression, that every time we ask him to be quiet, he gets mad, and I don’t want him to do something stupid. Look, all we want for him is to finish college, and I have heard that having a college degree isn’t all that necessary no a days, but I don’t care. I believe college provides tools to take life on, and life will give you the experiences to succeed – baby steps. So, we want him here during summer, want him with no stress while in college or minimum stress so he can focus on his courses. We did ask him to get a summer job, nothing out of the ordinary to keep busy and earn a little dinero. Now, I did want to mention that while in his first year of college, he did get a part-time job, which we told him not to overdo it and that school comes first, but we were extremely proud of him because he worked part-time and had a full load at school. These are the reason we try and give him space; he is a great kid and as far as we can see he has a good head on his shoulders.
The problem here is, “I need sleep” and his late nights are kicking my butt. He doesn’t go back to college until mid-September, so it is going to be a long summer. I am not a spring chicken, and being stuck at home working does not help, it drains me, I would rather be back in the office. I am not sure what else to do to get my point across. I don’t want to push my son out of the house, because I know how tough life is for a 19-year-old. I lost my mom to cancer when I was just 18, a month shy of my 19th birthday. I was thrown out into the world, not a clue on what to do. I literally learned each day and I don’t want him to go through that so, I want to be careful on how I get my point across.
Thanks for reading, I will keep you posted on how this goes, maybe I will come up with something that will work and I will share it with you. I leave you with this thought, “There are going to be times when you are trying to get a point across to someone, but I believe if you have patience and keep communicating something you say will eventually get through”.