As parents, I believe we all strive to give our kids what we did not have when we were kids. I am sure it is a cycle that continues from generation to generation. I did not have a guiding hand. You see both my parents divorced when I was but a toddler, and my father was not around. The times I did see my father, it seemed that everything I did was never good enough for him. My mother passed away just short of my 19th birthday, and when she passed away, I was left all alone in this world. Neither of my parents taught me a thing about real life; how to look for an apartment, open a checking account, open an account for electricity or water. Heck, I did not know how to go shopping for groceries, household items, mattresses, cookware. I mean I did have some things from when my mom passed away, but things began to break, and I did not know how to fix them or buy a new one. I was still in college at the time, but just as I was about to start my third year as a transfer student, I had to drop out to work full time. It was hard, I mean every day was a new experience for me, and a lot of the time it resulted in failures – some of which were costly.
Anyhow, that brings me to my post and to why I am so for giving out fatherly advice. Now that I have kids, I try to teach them as much as I could and provide advice on anything, relationships, money, investing, school, taxes, contracts, people because things can get overwhelming for kids nowadays and if I could make one of their decision a little easier it means a lot to me. I know that a lot of the time they are not listening, but I believe that as they get older memories will come flooding in just at the right time, they need that advice. It is tough, because with all the information that is available out there, sometimes they think they know more, but when things happen, they usually turn to me or their mom for advice. For example, my son recently broke down in the middle of the freeway, he called, I called the insurance and drove to where he was. I talked him through what I did, what to say, and waited with him for the tow truck – it felt good inside because I know that next time, he will know what to do. There are times that I try to teach them something as it’s happening, and they normally just roll their eye, but I am consistent and keep at it. We go shopping and explain the process, as funny as it sounds, but yes I did that with them and now my son goes shopping for groceries while he is at college, knows the routine or process, which he has told me that a lot of his college dorm buddies don’t know how to do. The little things we as adults take for granted, how to sign a contract, making sure to read, understands the terms and obligations for both parties, like my son’s dorm, he knows what is expected and what he should expect – little things like that I never knew how to do. I mean as parents it is never easy, we all know that, and maybe they will not always listen, but I know for a fact because of my son that even though he rolls his eyes, he is actually listening, it might take a few tries, but he eventually gets it. So as a parent I come to learn that teaching them how to go shopping might take several attempts, but we need to keep doing it.
I remember when my son was starting High School, I told him a few things to prepare him for what was coming ahead, and maybe these things are not for everyone but they are things I believe are important when starting High School. I told him; to never accept an invitation to go somewhere on campus that he should not go, especially if he does not know the people. Never accept an open container/drink, because you never know what is in it, be kind to all the teachers, you don’t need to sit up front and be a teacher’s pet, but sit at least in the second row and listen, it is usually only for 45-50 minutes, it shows respect to the teacher and if a fraction of a point separates you from an “A”, you might be able to get it bumped. I told him, people can be cruel and possibly say rude remarks to you, just brush them off, walk away, but be aware of where the people are. Never get caught with people behind you, keep your hands up and keep moving, if an altercation happens. I don’t encourage fighting, but I don’t want them to get a surprise sucker punch or push; I have seen many videos of kids sucker-punching another kid and then beating them up while they are on the ground. The good thing is my son only experienced one altercation in high school, but it was minor, other than that he always had a crowd of friends with him throughout his school years. Just little things about girls, relationships, breaking up, rude people, etc. anything I can remember I talk to them about it because my experience may just help them get through whatever they are going through.
I have my daughter starting middle school soon, and I do plan to talk to her about life as a middle schooler, share my experiences, and maybe it will help her get through middle school a little easier. You know it is funny but I find myself at times advising younger people, like at work and maybe I cross the line, but they never seem to mind. I remember a young kid, maybe 23, calls me over and asked me if I could help him set up his 401K from work since he has been putting in money for a year and nothing has happened. I was glad to help him out and by the second year he was extremely happy because he saw a huge jump in his 401K, it was then that he asked me if I wanted to grab a beer after work, which I did. We talked for hours, he picked at my head and I shared my stories about all the crazy business ideas I have tried. A few years went by and he decided to move onto another job, and when we parted, he told me that I had taught him more about life in those three or four hours than his dad – it felt good. We do keep in touch, and after some advice, I had given him, he sent me a picture of him signing some papers on his new house – it was funny but I felt like a proud father.
Thanks for reading and I leave you with this thought, “I know we all want to experience life for ourselves, being first-time parents, first time home buyers, but if you can get a little advice from someone that already experienced it, take it, maybe you don’t use it, but you never know it might just come in handy”.