Picture is actually a book by Paul Raeburn, “Do Fathers Matter?: What Science Is Telling Us About the Parent We’ve Overlooked”. You can find it on Amazon. I simply liked the picture, but I have not read the book – I might though.
So, today something happened that sort of made me think if a father’s opinion still mattered in a household. I am not trying to be negative, just sharing something that happened and maybe I am reading too much into it.
My daughter is into anime, and today she received a package with an anime hoody. I felt left out; because her mom bought her the hoodie, and I was not involved in the purchase. Why should I be, you might be asking, but the thing is that when I saw it, it sort of looked like a hip hop, gangster hoodie. Not saying there is something wrong with that, but I just thought maybe it wasn’t right for her; ok wait, let me be honest; I thought maybe it wasn’t right for the neighborhood we live in – sounds selfish or dumb. The thing is I grew up in a bad neighborhood. I could share stories of the things I saw, but the point is, we worked hard to get where we are and decided to move into a nice neighborhood. We were not easily accepted if you know what I mean, but after a while, the neighbors came around. I was just simply trying to avoid my children having to grow up in the same environment I grew up in, but somehow they both, including now my daughter, like that type of clothing style – gangster/hip hop. Once again, nothing wrong with it. Anyhow, back to me, the thing is that I wished I would have had the chance to get involved with my daughter’s decision early on, only because I know how her mom can get. I wanted to prepare my daughter and talk about the look and possible reactions from mom. I was trying to avoid my daughter from feeling bad like we don’t let her do things because her mom possibly would not like it. See her mom never sugarcoats things, and she does not have any diplomatic charisma when it comes to talking, so she could sound rather rude at times, but it is her way of talking. It turns out that mom did not like it and told her it looked like a “Cholo” hoodie, which is a type (stereotype) of a Mexican gangster look.
My daughter is now in her room with a headache, but I believe she is upset because of what happened. I felt bad, because my son got away with a lot of things, and I see it every day that mom is tougher on her daughter and this is an example of one of those times. I want my daughter to feel like she could express herself, we all go through changes in our lives, it is how we handle them while we are in them and when we come out if we desire to – society can be judgmental and we wouldn’t want individuals to look at my daughter in a bad way. Now, I know, it should not matter what other people think, but we all know that life is tough, and sticking out a little can make things a little harder. I know I am probably hitting on some nerves, but no one said parenting was easy, and trying to be a good person and still be yourself is sometimes tough. For example, people with tons of tattoos or motorcycle riders, get a bad rap – not that it is wrong just saying that society can be judgmental and it makes it a little harder to move around in life when you stick out. Anyhow, the thing is I was left out of this decision and now I have to deal with the aftermath.
It upsets me because I have seen fathers being left out of many decisions – even among my friends – I have seen it. Households are quick to ask fathers to fix something, clean something disgusting, fill out paperwork, fix a leaky faucet, but when it comes to other household decisions, we are left out and later we are left to deal with the aftermath of the decision – we have to fix it. Now, don’t get me wrong I am not saying that moms make all bad decisions, just saying that when the “sH!t” hits the fan fathers need to clean up the mess, which could have been avoided only if we were included in the initial decision. Maybe not in all cases right, but for the most part, and I am not saying moms make bad decisions, of course we all do, fathers, boyfriends, friends, etc.
Anyhow, I am left with trying to clean the mess up. I know my daughter liked the hoodie, and I will tell her she can keep it – after talking to mom, but my daughter is strong-headed and will just say no, even though she wants it.
Thanks for reading and I hope your weekend was a great one. I will leave you with this, “Allow your child to express themselves, but make sure they understand their decisions and how people may react. Just prepare them for what might be”.