So Father’s Day is coming up and I was asked what I wanted, new shoes – which I was telling my family I needed, or go out to eat. Before I had the opportunity to answer, my significant other blurted out, “Well, I like to give gifts instead of going out to eat, because once you eat it is all done”. Now, I got upset when she said that, and let me tell you why.
I will be married 24 years this August 31st, and when my significant other became a mom, I always planned an extravagant Brunch or Dinner, such as Horn Blower Cruise (average about $600), a brunch at an exclusive Hotel and Resort or restaurant (Average about $300) for Mother’s Day. For the first five maybe 7 years I added a nice gift, a necklace, ring, or one time I even got her an iPad. But around the seventh time, she got upset with me because I planned a brunch and bought her a necklace. She told me I did not need to spend that much and for me to choose one or the other. I stopped buying gifts but kept planning extravagant brunches or dinners. Heck, this last Mother’s Day we went on a Brunch Cruise. Me thinking here that all this time, she liked these brunches or dinners I was planning – low and behold she wasn’t.
You see my significant other is the type of person that does not hit around the bush, she says things like they are, plus her English is not so strong so sometimes she sounds sarcastic and outright rude – she doesn’t mean to, but it is what it is. I know her well and when she said that she prefers giving out gifts than going out, she meant that she prefers that for herself – trust me, that is what she meant. Now, I was blown away by that, because she could have said something when I told her I was planning something for Mother’s Day – she could have said no and asked for something instead. But now that she said that, I am upset and I told myself “Never Again will I plan a Mother’s Day – ever”. To think some guys, say that they don’t give their wives anything because they are not their mother – go figure. As for giving a gift, let me tell you why that does not work – at least in my case.
If you recall earlier, I mentioned she got mad when I both gave her a gift and planned a brunch. Now, wait you are probably thinking that maybe she wants the gift now – right, but there is a reason I don’t give her gifts. Besides getting mad at me that one time; there were a few times I did give her a gift on her birthday and other occasions. The first few times it was ok, but one time at a friend’s party she got a little tipsy and during the party we were talking about birthdays and gifts, and she just blurted out that my gifts “sucked” and I did not know what she liked anymore – take it, I did ask what she wanted and she would reply, “Surprise me.” It was then I stopped giving her gifts altogether. Now it doesn’t mean I do not give her gifts, for example, she recently bought a new truck, and she wanted some cool rims, so I told her I would be happy to get her the rims she wanted, they cost $1300, she was happy, but she was not completely satisfied, because after the rims were installed she looked at the truck, and she said she wanted bigger tires, as well, but that would have been another $1000 – as you can see I can’t completely make her happy – just saying.
So, I am trying to understand when is it right to give a gift, give money, or take someone out to eat – maybe a combination, but remember in some marriages or relationships money can be tight so doing multiple things might not be financially possible. But let’s say we can keep the cost down, and then we can ask when would it be ok to do one, the other, or a combination. This could be different for different stages of a relationship. When you first start to date, we love to give gifts (pamper our loved ones) and I am sure receiving is just as nice. As the years go by, it is more of a stay at home, maybe save some money up possibly to get married. Now in the marriage stage, the honeymoon stage, we shower our significant other with gifts, dinners, date nights, etc. Years into the marriage gifts and date nights are rare because you are saving up for a house or the kids’ college. The stages could be different for different folks, having disposable income plays a big part, but in any case, I believe we still try and do something for your loved one’s birthday, Valentine’s Day, Mother or Father’s Day – so what happens, do you give a gift, give money, or eat out?
I am not sure, a least in my case, but neither of the options will happen again in my household. I know that sounds mean, but I don’t feel it was nice of her to say that, as much as I tried I don’t think it was my fault – she should have just said something.
Once again thanks for stopping by and reading, I leave you with this thought, “If you have a preference of what you want as a gift, please say something you will both be happier for it”. Have a wonderful Friday.