Cannot Find My Mojo

This post sort of goes with a few other posts I made this year, “Feeling a Bit Lonely”, “The Struggling Man”, and “Try-Try Try Again”. Since April 12th or so I lost my Mojo, the will to move forward or do anything – productive that is. I still go to work and earn each hour as it should be, but it almost feels like I am a robot solely waking up to go to work and nothing else. I did try to get back into working out, but I received a message from one of my videos on possible Copyright infringement. I think the workout gurus voice came out on my video and well it was tagged. That of course chipped away at the last little bit of mojo I had left, and since then I cannot seem to get it back.

Just when I think I am ready to rock and roll, you plan the day’s work or activity, something just knocks it down. It feels like I cannot get a break these days, you know. Even on Father’s Day, if you recall in one of my earlier posts I talked about every year setting up a nice brunch or cruise brunch for my significant other, and I go to find out she really did not like it. Anyhow, on Saturday she asked me what I wanted to do – dinner, lunch, or a gift. I told her I did not want to go out to eat and as for the gift well, I did not really have anything I personally needed. After exchanging a few words, I told her, “Look how about Carne Asada tacos with all the trimmings“, I would be happy to cook and prep – I love to grill.” She said, “OK if that is what you want”.

The next morning – Father’s Day – she walks up to me and says, “Ok so should I go get a big juicy steak and some potatoes with all the fixings or Carne Asada?” You had to listen to the tone she had, it clearly sounded like she was in the mood for steak, she even said “big juicy steak”, and when she said Carne Asada, it was lost in the wind. Come on now, you know what I mean, we have all heard that tone or sarcasm in someone’s voice when they rather do something they want to do. I was speechless, so I gave in and said, “Ok, steak it is”. The day goes on, and I was setting up outside with some seats, our fire pit, you know getting things ready. I walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a cold one, went to get my wireless speaker, and put on some tunes. As soon as I sat down, she tells me to lower the music – take it was 2 p.m. I was like what, why, I barely had the music at maybe 10 – trust me it was not that loud. I could not believe it, I could not even relax in my own home, have a cold one, and listen to some tunes. I turned off the speaker and put in some ear buds, and was really not enjoying myself. So, she began to cook dinner, I offered to help, but she said she had it. I walked into the kitchen and I saw a few lobster tails. I was like what is this, I thought we were eating steak. She tells me we are, but that she wanted to eat Lobster as well. I was “Oh, ok! you felt like eating lobster – got yah”. I said nothing, and let her do her thing.

Now, let me tell you, I am an easy guy to please, give me a cold brew, Carne Asada, because I like grilling, and it is cheap of course but delicious and I am good to go. I am a meat and potato kind of guy, that is the way I am. Of course, don’t get me wrong, I like steak and lobster, but she asked me the day before what I wanted for Father’s Day and I am pretty sure I said Carne Asada. It is all good, so she continued to cook, but let me tell you what happened the last two times we tried to make steaks. Both times they were bad, with lots of fat, no flavor, and one of the times the steak was overcooked – those were the last two times we tried to cook steak. This time it went just as bad, but the kicker here is that the Lobster was horrible, I could not even eat it, it was stuck to the shell and well the look on everyone’s face told the story. Wait for it, during dinner, which was earlier than normal, everyone was on their phone or tablet. I sat there looking around thinking to myself what is this – what is this.

I don’t know what to say, you know friends tell me it was the thought that counted and that it wasn’t anyone’s fault on what happened to the steak and lobster, but really is it the thought that counts? I think we can safely say that the whole thing about, “It’s the thought that counts” can be thrown out the window after 24 years of marriage. I said what I wanted, I was willing to prep and cook, plus you can’t go wrong with Carne Asada, and I am sure it would have been a lot cheaper.

A Little Off-Topic Sorry

Ok, so I wrote one paragraph about losing my Mojo at the beginning and wrote 4 paragraphs about Father’s Day – sorry. So, I guess what I wrote about could be considered one of life’s little things that chip away at our Mojo – our life source so it does tie back to my Mojo lost. It is these little things that continuously chip away at what little mojo I might have left. Trying to get back on the path, trying to get, going again in life, trying to move forward with the things I need to do for my future, trying to get that mojo back to do all these things has been a huge struggle for me lately. I simply cannot find it, you know the motivation, the drive, the spark it seems to have dwindled – I like to call it “Our Life Source”, I don’t know why, but it sounds cooler maybe. Every day I wake up and say to myself, this is the day – this is the day – I could feel it, but then something happens during the day that just knocks me down. Like our bathroom window shines on my neighbors’ bedroom and if someone goes to the bathroom late at night, it bothers them. I am thinking dang I pay my mortgage, pay my taxes, work my butt off each day, pay for my sons’ college, put away for retirement, and yet I cannot get up in the middle of the night to pee if mother nature calls. I mean the neighbors to my other side are an elderly couple and they leave their porch light on all night long, which shines through our bedroom window, but you know what we did, we bought some blackout curtains, and guess what – it works. So, these little things chip away at my life and I am wondering what-the-heck.

I wake up and take a long stretch and say, “yes this is the day, this is the day”. I walk to get my first cup of coffee and we are out of creamer – bam knocks me down. Wake up and say once again this is the day, this is the day, get your first cup of coffee and it is just perfect, you log in to work and bam, someone cries that they have too much work and guess what management does, they give it to me because it isn’t like I am bomb with work right – there it is chip away at my mojo (life source). Wake up again the next day, and once again I say this is the day, this is the day, great first cup of coffee, great and productive day at work, and bam I get a call from my son telling me he has been accused of cheating at college, that he will need to go to some trial or thingy on campus and that the teacher gave him a failing grade, and that he will need to retake the class because it is a pre-requisite for another class (he was found not guilty, but the teacher did not want to give him his grade, and he had to retake the class which he passed with a 98%) – chip-chip-chip away at my mojo. I could go on, and I am sure we have all at some time or other experience these little things we like to call experiences, that really when you think about chip-away at your mojo.

Of course, you can tell me that I have my health, I have a roof over my head, I have food on the table, and that my troubles probably are not much compared to many other people less fortunate – the thing is I have been there, I know. But even with good health, food on the table, a roof over my head, life can sometimes get a little tiring as it chips away at my mojo, it can get stressful, and downright depressing. You know what though, I still get up each day and think to myself, this is the day, this is the day and wait for what comes next.

I leave you with this thought, “For special occasions, ask your loved ones what they really want, listen carefully, and follow-through. And for those that are been asked what they want, tell the truth, don’t say something you think they want to hear; it is your day and it should be about you because if you are happy those that really love you, will be happy”. Thanks for reading, please have a wonderful day or evening.

Published by iPapito

Strange but true, I was born in San Salvador, as an abroad US citizen. It sounds strange, but you see, my mother was 5 months pregnant and happen to be visiting San Salvador. She slipped and fell in a pool and well, I was born. I am a twin, but unfortunately, he did not make and I did. My mother’s side of the family happens to be well of, and I had the opportunity to live a nice life early in my childhood. You know, private school, servant, nice home, and vacations. Things change when my mother decided to follow my father to the United States and well, that is where my story begins. I started a blog a while back, but life sort of hit and I left it behind, but now as I am a bit older, I decided I needed an avenue to share my experiences with others, while at the same time allowing me to open up and talk like I am on someone’s couch, I guess you could say. This blog will be more like an open book, created by experiences that I have had throughout my life. Experiences that many could relate to and what I did or how I handled it, you know after the fact. You never know there just might be a piece of information, idea, an option that someone could use and it would help them through the experience. Just remember these are my experiences, things I have been through, work through, and lived through – it does not mean I am right, but it does not mean I am wrong – it is simply an experience.

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