Troubled Daughter

Listen to the audio version – Podcast.

As a parent I am always hoping for the best for my kids, I push them enough but not too much. I want them to have a good life, you know, maybe travel, start a business or find a job they love to do. Of course, once they have lived a little, I hope they start a family, with someone supportive, in tune with them, and striving together for what we all believe we want, a happy ending – right. There is nothing wrong to wish for a happy ending is there? I know sometimes life can take a different path, we just don’t know what life might have in store for us. The thing is, there is nothing wrong with trying to pave the way and don’t leave everything to chance. Now, I am a lucky father, because my kids have always been good in school. My daughter has been an excellent student, and besides the last two months of her fifth-grade year, she has been getting straight A’s so far.

Unfortunately, she started sixth-grade online and up until a week ago she had an A in every class, I mean 99.5 was her lowest grade. Last week something happened, and she is starting to miss assignments, already missing three, which dropped her grade down to a B in one class. In the other class, she missed an assignment, but that one assignment of course the teacher placed a high value on it so it dropped her grade to a B. I get a notification every day on her grades and attendance. So, if anything looks a bit off, then I checked her full class assignments to see what the cause is. I try talking to her, but she has no reaction, nothing, she does not speak and just looks at me. I ask her what is wrong, did she not understand, can I help her, is there something that happens to you, but she has this blank expression on her face and all she says to me is, “I’ll turn it in” almost angrily. I am worried because all year long she has had As, and in the last 40 days she is dropping quickly and I don’t know why. I don’t know is it a father thing, you know, because I worry. My mother came from a wealthy family, and she left all that for love. Unfortunately, it was the wrong type of love and we ended up living in poverty. My poor mom had to work hard just to feed us and keep a decent roof over our heads. There were times I went to bed with nothing to eat. There were times the grocery garbage was in our store. It was tough watching her, I might not have known it back then, but now that I m a parent, I know it was tough for her and more so for a woman. I don’t wish that for my daughter, and I push just enough, but I always try and explain. She might no understand right now, but I am hoping she does later in her life. I tell her these grades are not for me, they are for you. These grades will be a step for you to get into college, and college will be but another step for you in life. But don’t worry about that for now, I tell her, let’s focus on today. But something is amidst, I feel there is more to her days that she wants to let on. Something has brought her down these last several days maybe a week. But I just can get her to talk.

That is the same problem with her mom, her mom doesn’t talk, doesn’t listen, and doesn’t like confrontation; I think my daughter is headed in that direction. I kept asking each day, sometimes it feels like I am pressuring her, and I don’t want to push her away, but I don’t want her to get away from me either, it could be disastrous. For the time being, I am going to keep asking, and pushing ever so gently. I am going to talk to her, and maybe share something about my life as a kid, I don’t know if that is a good idea, but I want to be sure she knows I am there, always – you know as I am writing this, I think the best thing I can do is keep reminding her that I am there for her always. So strange, there are no books on how to raise kids, well you know what I mean, kids don’t come with a manual. I mean I did read books on how to talk to teens, when my son was growing up, I read books on raising a confident toddler, but there are times that books just don’t tell you what to do in every moment, and those are the times a parent needs to wing it. It is tough, to say the least raising a girl, my son was tough too, but I think my daughter is going to challenge me a lot more and all I can do is be ready, be supportive, simply be there for her.

Thanks for reading, I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday.